I didn’t know there was a word for it. I thought “homesickness” from being uprooted from a sweet place which I have known all my life and migrating to a foreign land which I am still trying to get acquainted with each passing day despite all the years of settling best described this perpetually mysterious and obscure state of my heart.
Apparently there’s a more beautiful and deeper way. Truly haunting. Untranslatable, potent and beautifully haunting…
It is instantly one of my favorite words now next to: “equilibrium”, “intuitive”, “crème brûlée” and “synchronicity” — all of which I believe showed me the way to stumble upon this word to begin with, even the crème brûlée part, yes. The universe conspires. God reveals all great things at the perfect moments. [Another favorite word is “solstice” but I still have to understand why. It will probably reveal itself tomorrow. Or the day after. I remain faithful.]
If you can’t wrap your mind around it fully, try understanding it with your heart. SAUDADE is a word that resonates with me so much. Maybe too much. It grasps everything that I can’t put my finger on (a specific person for instance, not necessarily because of the person alone but more of the place or period in my life that this person represents, or both).
It always shows up in my dreams…my childlike, honest, hopeful and unguarded dreams.
Here’s a little bit of info:
“A pleasure you suffer, an ailment you enjoy.” ~ Manuel de Melo
Saudade (European Portuguese: [sɐwˈðaðɨ], Brazilian Portuguese: [sawˈdadi] or [sawˈdadʒi], Galician: [sawˈðaðe]; plural saudades) is a Portuguese and Galician word that has no direct translation in English. It describes a deep emotional state of nostalgic or profound melancholic longing for an absent something or someone that one loves. Moreover, it often carries a repressed knowledge that the object of longing may never return. A stronger form of saudade may be felt towards people and things whose whereabouts are unknown, such as a lost lover, or a family member who has gone missing.
Saudade was once described as “the love that remains” after someone is gone. Saudade is the recollection of feelings, experiences, places or events that once brought excitement, pleasure, well-being, which now triggers the senses and makes one live again. It can be described as an emptiness, like someone (e.g., one’s children, parents, sibling, grandparents, friends, pets) or something (e.g., places, things one used to do in childhood, or other activities performed in the past) that should be there in a particular moment is missing, and the individual feels this absence. It brings sad and happy feelings all together, sadness for missing and happiness for having experienced the feeling.
PS. THANK YOU, WIKIPEDIA
[“saudade” writing on photo by moi]