Completed my first [unofficial] 5K today. Paced myself and ran 3.1 miles straight without walking intervals. Still need some work on endurance and a lot on speed but we’re getting there! Wowzers for someone who could barely complete (and live through) a 20 second dash six months ago (true story). Looking forward to the 5K Summer Breeze in San Leandro this August and hoping to be strong enough for a breast cancer research run in San Francisco by September (bucketlist!!!!!!). Posting this for accountability purposes, so I don’t accidentally fall off the wagon. (coz y’know, lol)
Today, I am grateful for the really good coffee from the break room. They have finally changed into a better roast and better beans — smooth with a nutty bouquet and real good chocolaty aftertaste (I’m not a connoisseur so that description will have to suffice). And oh, this cheesy omelette my co-worker made for me. I don’t normally eat cheese (dairy) anymore but God knows how much “cheese” I need in my life these days. So I will take it. And I will finish it.
Finding joy in little things while the big ones take some time. Aaah, TGIF. The week went by too fast for me. Sending much love and light to all, always always.
Sincerely, C (for crazy…or cheese…cheese!)
I posted this a few hours ago but didn’t have time to make my point. What I wanted to ask was, do you also hide inside your shoes? Because I do. Inside all my nice and pretty shoes is a pair of feet that walks around carrying this huge and heavy worry for some very important loved ones…their current health status and impending health crisis, some life changing decisions and adjustments that need to be made. And then this huge need for myself to be strong and hold it together for everyone. It is maddening. Most of the time, you’ll see me walking tall and strutting about in fab shoes but today I will be brave and tell you my secret: I hide inside lovely shoes. Today for instance, walking on these Steve Maddens is someone crying for help. Please pray WITH me as I pray for my loved ones.
And tell me everything’s going to be alright.
WINK. WINK. This is not the first time in the past couple of months when I threw a wish in the air, a heaven bound prayer or even something as fleeting as a short mental note to acquire something and then everything suddenly comes true. The best one among the recent blessings was when I prayed so hard for a delayed flight because we were running so late that it was physically impossible to reach the airport even if the roads swallowed every car obstructing the road in the traffic ahead of us. Of course, we made it. Coincidence? I no longer believe in coincidences, there are only purposive and meaningful synchronicities. Check this out, today is the oddest of them all. I kept on thinking about getting a wood panel to gesso and paint on and then also getting new rocks for my wire wrapping projects. Lo and behold, co-worker out of nowhere pulls out a wood panel (exactly the size I wanted) saying she doesn’t need it at home anymore and asked me if I wanted it.
Of course. Of course.
And then she pulls out this small pouch of beautiful rocks she said she also has no use for. Isn’t it amazing? Normally I would acknowledge these tiny miracles by closing my eyes, saying a prayer of thanks and tapping twice on my heart with my right hand (I’m quirky and I know it!) And today I did just that, with a knowing nod and a smile. I am so grateful and I’m opening up my heart to more. Because, why not? Bring the bigger things on!!! Thank you, my universe, my ever loving God.
Our ‘someday’ dreams aren’t always easy to chase. If they were, we’d already be living them. They will never happen until we take a step forward and in that direction. There really is only one secret to it all: to put ourselves out there right now and start letting our true light, who we really are, shine through. Baby steps will do. And waiting is not allowed. Not today, not ever.
Here’s a simple Paleo mayonnaise recipe which, come to think of it, dates back to my grandmother’s time and way before the new Paleo lifestyle even had a name! The philosophy is simple: Back to basics, baby!
My dad always made this while we were growing up and he still tries to make it during family visits even now that we’re all grown up and married. Okay, okay, we twist his arm for it.
Aaaah, the taste brings so many fond memories of childhood when we were all huddled together around the dining table waiting for daddy as he patiently stirred the concoction by hand because mini immersion blenders were still unheard of back then (yeah, I’m kind of ancient). We would then be walking around the house holding spoonfuls of mayo and licking them like lollipops. Like that.
Here’s all you’ll ever need:
1 large egg yolk (lately I’ve been adding the white into the party and so far it doesn’t alter anything at all)
1/2 to 1 teaspoon salt (I use pink himalayan rock salt or real sea salt crystals)
1 to 2 tbsp lemon or lime juice (or calamansi because it is always better in my book and lemon truthfully ain’t got nothin’ on it — if you’re Filipino, you know where to get it, if you’re not Filipino but you have a Filipino neighbor who has a calamansi tree in the backyard, you’re in luck!)
1 cup extra light olive oil
*If you noticed, I gave a range on the calamansi and the salt, because:
1. It really depends on how sour-salty you want it
2. I don’t really use measurements and scoop the salt with my fingers and my calamansi juice holder is the old trusty chinese soy sauce dipper that must have made it’s way to my house from a dimsum spot, lol.
Anyway, here’s all you’ll ever need to do:
Put everything together in a small deep bowl (or straight in a mason jar for storage convenience) in this order:
oil ~ lemon juice ~ egg (wait until it settles) ~ salt
Immerse your stick blender all the way down and mix for about 20-30 seconds. I still feel like a little kid each time I watch the magic happen. You know, when the clear mixture slowly turns into a thick yummy blob. You can keep the blender on and moving it up and down until all the oil disappears into the blob.
Easy peasy “lemon” squeezy, eh?
Bless with love and put it away in a sealed airtight container. I like to keep mine in the coldest part of the fridge. They said it lasts as long as the shelf life of the egg you used. It normally lasts for about a week if it doesn’t get all eaten up, that is. I like to mix my mayo with a generous serving of onion powder and chives when I use it as a dip for carrots and such. You should see me go to town with it! And have I said fried or steamed fish? And steamed white rice (if you’re okay with that).
Which reminds me…when you’re done, you can lick the blender blades too if you want to. You can thank me later for that. And oh, just unplug it first though. You can thank me for that one too!
2. The breathing style is not too different from dancing so I didn’t have a hard time crossing over. I figured that if I could dance zumba and hiphop non-stop for a half or full hour without panting, then running is indeed not a too far-fetched dream.
3. True enough, I got antsy in the beginning with long distances (like how I would get bored driving for a long period of time with nothing but repetitive movement, path and scenery). It seems to take around 48 years before the next mile unrolls itself. This poses a real challenge for me. I (with my attention issues) am always tempted to burst into random movements like maybe flip, tumble, spin, hop on pointe and even the macarena between sprints. Seriously.
4. Somehow though, I find myself smiling after each run and this is exactly what dancing does to me. Endorphins? It’s a good thing.
5. As more training days go by, I find myself wanting to run more and more. It is truly addicting. I’m barely halfway done with my 5K training iPhone app called “Couch to 5K” (go figure) which strictly requires rest days in between to avoid injury and everyday I am already fighting the urge to burst into a sprint in the middle of the day, let’s say from my desk to the copy machine and back. Now that’s really weird.
6. If I were to categorize the phases from “noob” to “getting there” in thought chunks, here is my experience so far: “It might be boring and I may look really silly” >> “I cannot run, period” >> “I will try to run because I want to see if I can do what others do (especially on Facebook posts of 5Ks and super hero marathons and stuff), it seems fun” >> “Oh, it’s doable after all” >> ” I will continue to run because I don’t want to waste the few weeks of training I’ve already done” >> “I want to run because it makes me feel good” >> ” I want to run because…I want to run” >> It is addicting indeed.
7. I can’t wait to do my first 5K, they say running for medals and treats and the finish line itself is a totally different world altogether and I want to be able to know what it feels like to be there. Most of all, I want to be fit enough to do a second one and a third. The ultimate goal in my bucket list is to run and raise funds for breast cancer research and prostate cancer research in honor of my brave parents who continue to give these diseases their big strong fights.
8. At this point, I’m taking it one day at a time. Slowly but surely. I would like to see how far I can push myself, but I am also realistic and aware that I need to take calculated risks because of some limitations with my heart.
See you at the finish line(s)?
I didn’t know there was a word for it. I thought “homesickness” from being uprooted from a sweet place which I have known all my life and migrating to a foreign land which I am still trying to get acquainted with each passing day despite all the years of settling best described this perpetually mysterious and obscure state of my heart.
Apparently there’s a more beautiful and deeper way. Truly haunting. Untranslatable, potent and beautifully haunting…
It is instantly one of my favorite words now next to: “equilibrium”, “intuitive”, “crème brûlée” and “synchronicity” — all of which I believe showed me the way to stumble upon this word to begin with, even the crème brûlée part, yes. The universe conspires. God reveals all great things at the perfect moments. [Another favorite word is “solstice” but I still have to understand why. It will probably reveal itself tomorrow. Or the day after. I remain faithful.]
If you can’t wrap your mind around it fully, try understanding it with your heart. SAUDADE is a word that resonates with me so much. Maybe too much. It grasps everything that I can’t put my finger on (a specific person for instance, not necessarily because of the person alone but more of the place or period in my life that this person represents, or both).
It always shows up in my dreams…my childlike, honest, hopeful and unguarded dreams.
Here’s a little bit of info:
“A pleasure you suffer, an ailment you enjoy.” ~ Manuel de Melo
Saudade (European Portuguese: [sɐwˈðaðɨ], Brazilian Portuguese: [sawˈdadi] or [sawˈdadʒi], Galician: [sawˈðaðe]; plural saudades) is a Portuguese and Galician word that has no direct translation in English. It describes a deep emotional state of nostalgic or profound melancholic longing for an absent something or someone that one loves. Moreover, it often carries a repressed knowledge that the object of longing may never return. A stronger form of saudade may be felt towards people and things whose whereabouts are unknown, such as a lost lover, or a family member who has gone missing.
Saudade was once described as “the love that remains” after someone is gone. Saudade is the recollection of feelings, experiences, places or events that once brought excitement, pleasure, well-being, which now triggers the senses and makes one live again. It can be described as an emptiness, like someone (e.g., one’s children, parents, sibling, grandparents, friends, pets) or something (e.g., places, things one used to do in childhood, or other activities performed in the past) that should be there in a particular moment is missing, and the individual feels this absence. It brings sad and happy feelings all together, sadness for missing and happiness for having experienced the feeling.
PS. THANK YOU, WIKIPEDIA
[“saudade” writing on photo by moi]